The Alarm

Chuck said, I have to get up when the tejano music comes on in the morning.

(His clock radio is set to a tejano radio station. I don't know why.)

George is Cute.

Chuck said, George, I don't think there is anything you could do that wouldn't be cute . . . Well, I guess if you shit in your hand it wouldn't be cute . . .


I need a different picture, but I'm too lazy and busy to go find another one.

Are you new or used?

I said, "You dated more people than I did before we got married."

Chuck said, What can I say? I bought new, you bought used.

He's a sensative guy.

Chuck said, What was that? Did you bring sandpaper to bed?!

Petits Four

Chuck said, Did you notice that "petits four" sounds a lot like "pedophile"?

Me with eyebrows raised, "Um . . . no."

Crumber

They invented the crumber for me.

Mother's Day

When someone asked what he got me for mother's day, he responded that the kids wanted to get me "something sparkly."

The kind person's eyes lit up and said, "Ooh! Diamonds?!"

Chuck said, Uh, no. It's Mother's Day, not I Saved The Universe Day.

Berries

The only berries I don't like are dingle berries.

Caviar

Ever since Finding Nemo, I find caviar a little difficult to eat.

Podcast

I don't know what a podcast is, but it's too late to ask. It's like how, after a certain point, you can't ask a good friend what his wife's name is.

Chuck said (in an email)

I would be better off if I didn’t know about the site. It’s hard to perform under pressure. I need comedy Viagra. I’m pretty sure I could come up with something just plain offensive without a second thought, but funny is tougher. Especially since you’re putting it up for the world to see. No sex jokes, racial jokes, religious jokes (don’t want some mullah coming to the house with visions of all those after-life virgins, and who the f*ck is stuck as a virgin in the after-life anyway. F*CK that shit), political jokes, can’t talk about people who might actually read it (your mom, my sisters, my bosses, the neighbors, your friends, my friends, my coworkers, your coworkers, the kids…). I’m stuck trying to write clean pirate jokes about my dad. Maybe you should call it “Chuck would’ve said… …if he weren’t a douche.” And you can just make stuff up. Or how about “Jack said” He’s funnier anyway.

Chuck said

Does she go to Sam's and buy stupid in bulk?

Mother's Day

The Wife said "Those flowers are for me, so don't go getting your hopes and dreams up."

Chuck said "Don't worry. I abandoned my hopes and dreams when I got married."

Welcome!

Welcome to Chuck Said.

This is a brand spankin' new blog all about the golden nuggets of shit that come out of Chuck's mouth. Yes, I said "golden nuggets of shit". In case you were wondering, yes, I totally adore him.

There will probably only be a quote on most days unless I feel the need to explain the context in which Chuck said something. And it is most likely that there won't be a quote everyday, but make sure to check back now and again.

With that said, enjoy today's quote.

Chuck said:

I don't think there is anything you could pay me that could make me want to have a menstrual cycle.